Romerica and Juliet
by Ayse-of-Hearts
Summary: An epic Hetalia retelling of Shakespeare's famous tragic play; although the only thing in here that's tragic is the casts' utter disregard of the script.
1. Prologue

AN: So this story is not meant to make much sense; there is a plot but there isn't. Hopefully William Shakespeare isn't rolling in his grave now.

Real title of this story: **Romerica and Juliet: The Tragic (Actually Nothing's Tragic About This Except For England's Eyebrows) Love/Hate Story of Epic Proportions, Tomatoes and Freedom Fries: FUCK THAT BITCH JULIET.**

Fail title is fail

Disclaimer-I do not own the Hetalia characters or the play in which I have placed them in.

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><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet <strong>

_Prologue_

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><p><strong>(Iceland and Norway enter the room)<strong> -_Narrators_

Iceland: I don't see why you're here. I can do this fine on my own.

Norway: I'm sure you can Iceland but I'd rather you not.

Iceland: Why is that? It's not like I'm going to get attacked or mauled by anybody. I've got Mr. Puffin with me.

Mr. Puffin: Ain't no bitches gettin' up in here, know what I'm talkin' about?

Norway: Be that as it may, we should not waste this precious bonding opportunity. You are my little brother after all.

Iceland **(evades hug from Norway): **Shut up! And we're not here to _bond_, we're here to introduce the story!

Norway **(sulks): **Yes, we are. Begin the narration then Iceland.

Mr. Puffin: Start that shit bro.

Iceland: Alright, alright! **(clears throat) **Two households, both alike in dignity-

Norway: In _modern_ English, please.

Iceland **(sighs): **In the beautiful unnamed and plot convenient city, where our story takes place, two feuding families start drama and the citizens kill each other.

Norway: Two children from these feuding families fall in love and kill each other, I think.

Iceland: They commit suicide, Norway.

Norway: That's what I said.

Iceland: Anyway, for the next few chapters, we will watch the rise and fall of these doomed lovers-

Norway: Star-crossed lovers, Iceland.

Iceland: Shut up. Where was I? Oh yeah, _doomed_ or star-crossed, lovers and the parents' anger that only stopped because the children died.

**(Commotion somewhere and another person climbs in through the window)**

America: Wait, we _die _at the end? As in _death-die_?

Norway: Yes America, you die in the end. Surely England must have let you read this play when you were younger.

Iceland: Wait, why are you here?

**(another person enters)**

South Italy: Because the _bastardo_ had obvious questions that needed obvious answers. Idiot. **(drinks a packet of ketchup)**

America: Aww Lovi~, don't be like that! My questions are totally legit, right Denmark?

Denmark: Hell yeah bro! **(He and America high five)**

Norway: Denmark, don't say a word to me. And don't touch Iceland either.

Denmark: Aww come on Norge~!

**(outside the room) **Poland: Liet, are we like, even in this story?

Lithuania: I don't know Poland. Wait, are you _still _watching that video of Mr. South Italy and Mr. America having sexual relations from the last story on your phone?

Poland **(continues to watch video): **Liet, you're like a total perv for knowing that, seriously.

Lithuania: What are you -NO! D-don't post it on my Facebook wall!

**(inside the room) **Norway: Alright, all of you need to leave. Iceland and I need to finish this prologue. Go on, shoo. **(everyone shoos)**

Norway and Iceland: If you listen to us patiently, we'll tell you everything else we didn't just tell you.

America **(outside the room): **I _DIE?_

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><p><em>AN: Yep, there it is…right there, here, whatever. The characters never know when to shut up and they end up making chapters longer than they should be. Oh well *shrugs like a BOSS*<em>

_I don't know whether to list the cast as a whole in one chapter or just mention the characters that will be appearing in every chapter. Don't worry, the cast is diverse, so that should be fun._

_Diversity FTW._

_And remember that this is a crackfic humor story, so nothing between the authoress' notes should be taken seriously. I've changed some of the characters and their roles in the play, for those who're familiar with the original Romeo and Juliet. Say WOO once for artistic liberties._

_WOO._

_Stick around for the rest of this. Whoa, long author's note is long. _


	2. Act I, Scene 1

AN: Like I said at the end of the prologue, I've changed some of the characters and their roles in the play; nothing too drastic so I'm not killing the play _that _bad. There _is _gender bending of the original Romeo and Juliet cast. Although, if anyone wants a complete list of the cast…

Disclaimer-I do not own the Hetalia characters or the play in which I have placed them in.

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><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet <strong>

_Act I, Scene 1_

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><p><strong>(Norway and Iceland enter the scene)-<strong>_Narrators_

Iceland: So, do you want to describe the scene or should I?

Norway: I'll do it. **(clears throat) **Sampson and Gregory, two servants from the house of Capulet are walking through the streets of the plot convenient city. With witty banter, Sampson declares his hatred for the house of Montague. They argue about trivial things, fight with members of the Montague, and get yelled at by the city's princess. Enjoy.

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><p>The streets of the unnamed and plot convenient city are hustling and bustling, full of activity. The sun shines brightly down upon them and there is not one cloud floating in the sky above the city. The day is like any other day.<p>

Out of all the people in the city, our focus is more on two figures walking through the busy streets. One is tall, with hair as white as snow, blood red eyes and a loud voice. His companion, with his sleek blonde hair and icy blue eyes, walks silently next to him and silently wishing he was somewhere else.

"Greg I swear, I'm tired of those bitch ass Montagues and I'm tired of taking their garbage." Sampson states, taking a swig of the beer he carries. He offers some to Gregory but the blonde politely declines.

"I don't know what to tell you then Sampson, they _are _our enemies after all."

Sampson takes another swig. "I don't care who they are, if I see them on the street, I'm going Teutonic Knight on somebody's ass."

Gregory sighs, he hates it when Sampson gets like this. "Brother we don't need to start any unnecessary fights. You get in enough trouble as it is."

"Nonsense West! It's not my fault these lames can't handle _awesomeness _of my caliber."

**Norway: **Prussia, please stay in character. No references to our Hetalia universe.

Sampson glances to his right only to find a short blonde man with navy blue eyes giving him a blank look. "Yeah, yeah I got it." The blonde nods and turns to walk in the opposite direction.

Gregory clears his throat in an attempt to get the story back on track. "Be that as it may, if you get into a fight, you'll most likely run away or drag me into it."

"Haha _please_! Those Montague bastards don't stand a chance against me, right Gilbird?" Sampson reaches up to his head to pet a little yellow chick roosted snugly in his hair. "Besides , if the bastards wanna fight, I'll just kick them into the middle of the street like 'Go play in traffic!' then I'll stand up against the wall. A perfect plan, kesesesese~."

Gregory resists the urge to violently slam his palm into his forehead. You know, someone should come up with a name for that so it can be easier to catalog with the rest of human reactions. "You know only women walk against the wall."

The pair briefly spilt apart as a flying pile of garbage (and possibly human feces) is thrown out of a second-story window and lands on a brown-haired trembling little boy. "That's because they're weaklings, like that dude back there! Skip that, I'll push them into the street too."

"The feud is just between our masters and us; the men that work for them."

"It's all the same. After kicking some major ass, I'll cut off all the women's heads."

Gregory fixes Sampson with an incredulous look. "What?"

"Their virginity West, I'll take their virginity." Sampson sighs.

"Then I'd have to report you to the authorities. Rape is a crime, brother." Gregory looks ahead of them and spies a few familiar faces heading their way. "Damn it, here come a few Montagues."

"Don't worry bro, I got your back! Kesesesese~"

"You'd better not run."

"I'm not! Watch!" Sampson makes an incredible attempt at biting his thumb at the approaching Montagues. One of the men, an able-bodied brunette with sleepy green eyes, stops in front of the pair of Capulets.

"Are you biting your thumb at us? It looks like it hurts."

Sampson wipes the blood from his thumb on Gregory's sleeve and whispers in his ear. "Would I get arrested if I say yes?"

"Yes."

Sampson faces the brunette once more with a cocky grin adorning his features. "Then yes and no Abram."

Abram cocks an eyebrow. "What?"

"Please ignore him." Gregory supplies as Sampson draws his sword.

"If you want to fight, we can go right here. My sword's not out for nothing."

Abram openly yawns and scratches his head through his tousled brown locks. "I'm not really up for it."

"Well then." Sampson concludes.

Just then, Gregory spots another Montague heading in their direction. He grabs Sampson by the arm and hurriedly whispers in his ear. "Be careful, someone else is coming! Say 'better'!"

"Yes, 'better' I guess." Sampson shrugs. Abram copies his movement and yawns again. One of the background men in Abram's group pulls out a camera and snaps a photo while the brunette stretches and yawns.

"You lie." The sleepy brunette states.

"Dude, what do I need to lie for? Let's just fight."

As the generic fight scene takes place, the second Montague Gregory spotted appears on the scene. He runs a rand through his auburn hair and there are tears in his hazel eyes. He approaches the fighting group and attempts mediation.

"Ve~, what are you guys doing? Don't fight, you'll hurt each other!"

Another blonde enters the scene, shaking his own wavy blonde hair. He walks over to the worried Montague and places a hand on his shoulder. "Don't try to talk to them Benvolio, they'll just ignore you."

Benvolio turns to the hand on his shoulder and greets the man standing behind him. "But Tybalt, I'm only trying to keep the peace!" He pauses for a moment, as if he's thinking of something. "You're not supposed to be talking to me, you're a Canada!"

"_Capulet_, Benvolio." Gregory supplies.

Tybalt sighs and removes his hand from Benvolio's shoulder. "And you're a Montague. I guess it's time for us to fight then, eh."

The citizens of the city all stop what they're doing to watch the epic showdown of Montague vs. Capulet take place in the middle of the street; even though this is an everyday occurrence. The fact that the whole city knows about the feud between the houses doesn't stop them from picking sides.

"FUCK THE CAPULETS! FUCK THE MONTAGUES!"

Sick of hearing the crowd's incessant cheers of disdain for the houses, Lord Capulet grabs his blonde wife Lady Capulet and they leave the candle shop they were just in. He drags his partner to the middle of the street, pushing his way through the crowd, to the source of the crowd's cheering.

"What the bloody hell is going on here?" He spots another pair of people pushing their way towards the fight and he growls low in his throat; that _bastard._

"Bollocks, there's that tosser Montague. He's probably just here to piss me off." He motions towards his wife quickly, "Sword, frog!"

His wife wrinkles his nose in annoyance. "You don't have to be so rude about it, _mon cher._"

Lord Montague spots Lord Capulet from across the fight and his fists ball up at his sides. His eyes fill with anger, rage takes over his muscles and he growls. "There's that _bastardo_ Capulet." He moves to cross the fight to kick Capulet's English ass but his wife's hand on his shoulder stops him.

"What is it, _mi esposa?"_

"Don't worry about him, I'll take care of him." Montague wants to say something, but his wife's got that glint in her eye, the glint she gets when she's ready to kill something; the way she's gripping the family frying pan isn't helping either.

The Montagues and the Capulets are about to escalate the battle when a shrill trumpet pierces the air. "Announcing Princess Escalus!" The citizens stop their chanting and hold their positions, not sure of what's going on. The fight itself freezes in place, the fighters all in awkward positions with limbs everywhere, shreds of clothing littering the air and bright red blood painting the ground.

The trumpeter gives way to another person, an important looking woman. She steps through her crowd of vessels to face the now frozen scene in front of her. She uses a gloved hand to brush platinum blonde hair out of her face and her dark blue eyes take in the scene before her. She glares at _everyone._

"You rebels! Enemies of the peace! Put down your weapons. NOW. You will listen to what I have to say and accept it." Everyone obliges the princess promptly. Her glare intensifies and everyone shivers as the area's temperature drops a few degrees and dark clouds fill the sky.

"This is the third time this week I've had to break up a street fight. Capulet and Montague, you don't even know what your feud is about and yet you fight and fill my streets with blood. I'm tired of this and this _will _end by my word. Capulet, you come with me. Montague, I'll see you later. Everyone else leave or I will kill you in your sleep."

The crowd disperses at the drop of a hat. The temperature returns to normal, the sky clears as Lord Capulet and his wife follow the princess while Lord Montague, his wife and Benvolio hang back.

"Oh Benvolio~! Are you okay? Were you here when the fight started?" Lord Montague questions the young man. His green eyes search the man for any cuts or bruises.

Benvolio smiles at his lord. "I'm fine daddy~! They were fighting before I got here. I tried to break them up but Canada told me not to."

Lady Montague sighs heavily. "His name's Tybalt here, Benvolio. By the way, have you seen Romeo?"

Benvolio shrugs. "Well, I went for a walk like the script said I did and I saw him under a tree. He ran before I could talk to him."

Lord Montague whimpers and covers his face with his palms. His shoulders tremble as he speaks. "He's so moody lately; more so than usual. He never comes home on time anymore! He locks himself in his room and plays creepy music all the time. I think my little Romeo is…_suicidal_!"

Benvolio gasps and whimpers, tears filling his eyes. He flings himself into his father's arms and cries into his shoulder. "Oh no daddy! Lovi can't be suicidal! The script says he dies at the _end_!"

"He may be Benny, he may be! He doesn't even talk to daddy anymore! And he used to be so cute! My poor little Romeo!"

"What the hell are you ignorant bastards going on about now?"

Montague and Benvolio separate and look to the newcomer. He looks just like Benvolio, except his hair's a chocolate brown and he's scowling. Oh yeah, and he's the main male character.

"Romeo there you are~! I was going to look for you to talk you out of killing yourself! You've got so much to live for, _fratello!_"

Romeo sputters incoherently. "Asdfjkl;…?"

Lady Montague puts away her frying pan and walks up to Romeo, placing a kiss on her son's cheek. "They think you're suicidal, set them straight." She grabs her husband by the arm and drags him off.

"Good morning Romeo~!"

"Shut the fuck up with all that yelling. It's too damn early."

"Aww Lovi~, what's wrong?" Benvolio questions, throwing an arm around Romeo's shoulders. The other brunette winces and throws his brother's arm off.

"It's Romeo, _idiota!_ And nothing's wrong, so leave me alone."

Romeo turns to stomp off, leaving a trail of generic teenage angst behind him as he leaves. Benvolio chases after him, careful to watch out for the angst because the last time he slipped on Romeo's angst, he was in the hospital for a week.

Benvolio gasps in realization. "You're in love~!"

"What? No I'm-"

"Out of love?"

Romeo folds his arms over his chest and looks away. "…Whatever."

"Who is she?"

"Does it matter? She doesn't love me!" He throws his hands up in frustration but shrieks once he looks at the ground. "Holy shit! What happened here?"

"…Nothing." Benvolio answers, looking suspiciously suspicious for a few seconds before his attention span ran out and he starts to rock back on forth on his heels. "Aren't you gonna say the whole contradiction speech? That's what the script says."

"Fuck no! That shit's too long and doesn't make any sense and-why are you crying bastard? S-stop it!"

It's true, Benvolio's hazel eyes are once again filled with wet tears. "I'm crying because you're sad, _fratello._ I don't like it when _mio fratello _is sad." He wipes his eyes pathetically.

"Well that's what love does to a person. It makes your chest heavy and hurts your heart. I'm already pissed off and you're making it worse, bastard. I'm leaving."

"Wait Roma! Tell me who she is!"

Romeo ponders for a moment. "She is….a woman."

"Really~?" He's not surprised Benvolio's asking this question. "_Duh, _stupid bastard."

"What she like?"

"Beautiful," Romeo answers quickly. He catches his slip up and goes back into teenage angst mode. "but the bitch refuses to talk to me! She acts like she's better than everyone else with her precious 'virginity'".

"Ve~, she's a virgin?"

"Yes! She thinks that I say I love her, which I don't, just to tap that ass! I could give a rat's ass about her un-popped cherry. I don't give a _fuck_."

Benvolio nods and grabs his brother by the hand, stirring up homoerotic fantasies in the women they pass. "Listen Roma, don't think about her. The script says you'll find someone better!"

Romeo blushes at the contact and struggles to free his hand; his attempts are in vain. The women watching them are now giggling amongst themselves and writing things down. Damn it, Benvolio. "Fuck that, I'm done with love. Go cook me something to eat, I'm hungry."

Benvolio releases his hand (Thank goodness) and runs in the direction of the Montague house. "Okay~! You want pasta, brother?"

"Yes! And don't forget the tomato sauce!" Romeo has to always remind Benvolio of the damn tomato sauce because the last time he forgot, Romeo was in the hospital for a week.

Speaking of the hospital, Romeo trips and falls in his own puddle of teenage angst.

**(Exeunt.)**

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><p><em>AN: Scene One-COMPLETE. I hope no one was too bothered by the changes made.<em>


	3. Act I, Scene 2

AN: Sense? This makes none, but there is plot, and then there isn't. :/

I can't explain Benvolio's affinity towards mentioning the script alas, it is a love affair for which I have no control. Fourth wall, I apologize.

Disclaimer-I do not own the Hetalia characters or the play in which I have placed them in.

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><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet <strong>

_Act I, Scene 2_

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><p><strong>(Norway and Iceland enter the scene)-<strong>_Narrators_

Norway: Handle this, Iceland.

Iceland: Shut up. This scene deals with Juliet and her pending marriage to Count Paris, a relative of the princess. Her father, Lord Capulet wants what's best for her but in the end, only Juliet can decide that.

And Peter can't read.

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><p>Lord Capulet strolls into the grand parlor of his estate, walking side by side with another man. This man is taller than the lord, with soft platinum blonde hair and sweet violet eyes. He nods and smiles at the man of the house, enthused in his conversation.<p>

"It's not me the princess has to worry about, it's that blasted Montague. He does shit just to piss me off."

Count Paris giggles softly. "Da, you both have honorable reputations and it is too bad you are enemies. Although your feud would cease to exist if you both became one with Russia…"

"What was that?"

"Have you considered my request?" Paris questions, adjusting the scarf around his neck. Capulet doesn't know why the man insists on wearing the thing, it's got to be hot around his neck, but he won't bother the issue further.

"There's no way in hell I'm letting you marry my daughter. She is too young for you and I don't fancy you much anyway." Capulet grumbles, wiping at his own neck. Damn that scarf, making him uncomfortable in his own home.

Paris gives Capulet a warm smile that reflects in his eyes. "I sense your concern. Girls younger than her often marry and become happy mothers."

"Well, those girls are nothing but little hussies and _my _baby will not be apart of that statistic. Besides, children who marry young grow up too fast." Capulet eyes that blasted scarf again, rubbing his neck.

"But your daughter is already ripe, da?"

Capulet stops in his tracks and glares at Paris. "Look, I'm having a party tonight, are you coming or what? You might find someone else who interests you and can finally leave my daughter alone."

_Somewhere in the city…_

"That jerk! Who does he think he is, ordering me around like that!" A little blonde boy named Peter stomps around, complaining about his task to the unknowing public. He fumbles with a piece of parchment in his hands. "Drats! I can't read this stupid list, maybe they can help me!"

Benvolio and Romeo stroll along, talking about nothing in particular. They're holding hands, courtesy of Benvolio, much to the dismay of Romeo. The main male brunette fought hard against his brother but his attempts proved futile. Now he's walking, holding hands with his brother and subject to the homoerotic daydreams of the women in the town.

"Ve~, cheer up Roma! It's no fun to be lovesick! I bet if you saw another pretty girl, you'll forget all about the old one!"

"Shut up." Romeo grumbles.

Benvolio's hazel eyes gloss over with wetness. "But Romeo~! I only want to help!'

"And that's the problem!" Romeo turns to the little boy now standing in front of him. "What the fuck do _you _want?"

Peter just smiles his best and rocks on his heels. "Hello good sirs! Do either of you know how to read?"

"Ve~, he's so cute! Isn't he cute Romeo?"

"Shut it." Romeo emphasizes the command with a smack to the back of his brother's head. "Why are you asking? Can't you read it?"

Peter blinks up at Romeo. "No one taught me how. Now are you going to read this for me or not?"

Romeo glares at the blonde boy in front of him. Holy shit, what is wrong with his _eyebrows_? "Obviously they didn't teach you manners either." He snatches the parchment and reads it to him. "-_My uncle Capulet, his wife and daughters, my fair niece Rosaline and Livia, Signore Valenino and his cousin Tybalt, Lucia and the lovely Helena.'_ Who are all these people?"

Peter snatches the list back and tucks it under his hat. "Guests for my jerk master's party. My master's that jerk on a stick Capulet and if you aren't those Montague fellows, you can come too. Thanks for reading for me!" With that, Peter runs off. Romeo and Benvolio watch him go; still holding hands.

"Rosaline's going to be at the party, Romeo!"

Romeo slaps his brother on the head again. "I know that, I read the damn list."

"I know but look! There'll be lots of pretty girls there and you'll be able to compare Rosaline to other girls to see if you love her still~!"

The pair continue their walk, ignoring the leers from the women around them. Where are their husbands? "I already told you I don't love Rosaline, damn it! But that _is _a good plan, how did you come up with it?"

Benvolio flashes his brother a cheerful smile. " The script told me!"

"…Figures."

"So, are we going to the party Romeo? The script says we are!" Benvolio squeals, throwing his arms in the air. Unfortunately, he's still holding Romeo's hand, and he jostles his brother more than the brunette can appreciate. He snatches his hand back, causing his brother to whimper pathetically.

"Yes damn it, yes! It's not like I _want _to see Rosaline or anything."

Romeo takes the chance to glance around the area in the street where they stand. Benvolio is in the middle of a group of them, squealing and wildly gesturing towards Romeo. He can hear his idiot brother recounting his whole 'Rosaline' situation to the women and they are scribbling down every tidbit of information.

"Fuck!"

Romeo's face meet Romeo's palm.


	4. Act I, Scene 3

AN: Juliet is a _man, _damn it!

PS: School's starting back up again and as a second year college student, updates won't be as regular as I would like them to be. :|

Disclaimer-I do not own the Hetalia characters or the play in which I have placed them in.

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><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet <strong>

_Act I, Scene 3_

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><p><strong>(Norway and Iceland enter the scene)-<strong>_Narrators_

Iceland: Your turn.

Norway: **(clears throat) **Lady Capulet attempts to talk her daughter into marrying Count Paris. Juliet however, has her sights set on something else.

Proving to her parents that she's really male and not female.

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><p>A blonde woman lounges on a plush couch in a spacious room, sipping a glass of wine. The glass is balanced neatly between her middle and ring fingers, holding on by the neck. She adjusts herself on the couch and sighs, where is that daughter of hers? She summoned her three times already, so she must've heard her by now.<p>

"Nurse, where is my daughter?" She questions to a mousey brunette male standing behind her lounge couch. The words roll off her tongue, coated in a silky French accent. " I need to talk to her." She reaches down and scratches at her crotch, her hand lingering a bit longer than needed.

There is a penis underneath Lady Capulet's hand; she is male.

The Nurse turns his head away, he really didn't need to see that. "I swear to you Lady Capulet, I woke her up a few minutes ago! Juliet! Juliet!"

Another person enters the room, a tall blonde teen boy with bright blue eyes. He stomps into the room, hiking up the skirts on his dress as he walks. "Stop calling me! I heard you the first time!"

"It was your mother, Juliet."

Juliet drops the skirts to he-his dress and he sticks his hands in his pockets. "What do you want?" He questions nonchalantly.

"We need to talk. Nurse you may leave-wait, never mind; you are already familiar with my family's dirty laundry. And how young my daughter is." Lady Capulet rubs at her crotch again.

The nurse bows lightly at Lady Capulet's words. "Indeed I do. She is not even nineteen yet. I remember the Great World War a few years ago. Juliet was a small child then, a clumsy one too. All these cuts and bruises I cleaned everyday and when I asked if they hurt, she'd just grin up at me and say 'Nope! Heroes never get hurt!'"

"Okay, that's enough Nurse."

"Oh I'm so sorry!" The Nurse's bow grows deeper. "Hopefully I live long enough to see Miss Juliet get married."

Lady Capulet perks up at the statement, wine glass settled on the floor. "_Oui_, and that is what we are here to discuss! Tell me, _ma fille _Juliet, how do you feel about getting married?"

"Marriage? Yeah, not really ready for that kind of commitment." Juliet states, rubbing the back of his head. Lady Capulet cocks an eyebrow in disagreement.

"Well, get ready. _Chéri_, girls your age are already happy mothers and wives. When I was your age, I already had you and your brother." He ignores the disgusted look on his 'daughter's' face. "Listen, Count Paris wants you to be his blushing bride."

"C-count Paris? H-he's scary!" The Nurse shivers behind the couch at the thought of Count Paris. "He's so tall and he smiles a lot! He takes advantage of those smaller and weaker than him, and he forces them to become one with Russia! I don't even know what Russia is, but I don't w-want to become one with it!"

Lady Capulet's blue eyes grow hazy and he brings his hands up in front of him to grope the air. "He may be all that but he's handsome too, with a rock hard body." He wipes a little loose drool from his mouth. "Muscles that look like they were sculpted from marble, a nice and tight rear and I bet he's got a big-"

"Heart!" The Nurse interjects quickly. He saves the readers of this play from the lechery that is Lady Capulet. "A big heart from being…k-kind?"

Lady Capulet turns to Juliet, totally ignoring the Nurse's rude input. "So what do you say? Paris is a good looking man, with devilishly sexy looks." Lady Capulet rises and walks over to his daughter, placing a hand on his shoulder. "He'll be at our party tonight so you can get to know him, _ohonhonhon~. _So what do you say_, chéri?"_

Juliet yanks himself away from his mother and jumps back a few feet. His face displays his emotion clearly, and he is not happy one bit. "Accept his love? NO! I don't like that commie bastard and I never will!" He moves to stomp towards the door again before another thought pops into his head.

"And when will you guys realize that I'm a _guy _and not a _chick?_" He hikes up his skirts to emphasize his point.

The Nurse promptly blushes and passes out, while his mother waves off the impromptu flash. Unfortunately, Peter chooses this time to walk in because he had been eavesdropping outside the room and when the voices stopped, he decided to see what was going on. He walks over to Lady Capulet but turns to look over his shoulder at Juliet; luckily the lady of the house covers his innocent virgin eyes from the sight.

"Madam, the guests are all here and dinner's been served. Everyone's acting all prissy though, so follow me."

Juliet drops his skirts and Lady Capulet releases Peter. The young boy leads the lady to the door and he follows, tapping Juliet on the shoulder when they pass one another.

"Juliet, go now. The count is waiting for you~!"

Juliet curses at his mother, but follows him out of the room anyway.


	5. Act I, Scene 4

AN: Oh Mercutio-HOLY SHIT, COUNT PARIS!

P.S: Just in case anyone is wondering, I'm not just pulling this story out of my ass. I'm consulting the actual play (well, the No Fear Shakespeare on Sparknotes)

Disclaimer-I do not own the Hetalia characters or the play in which I have placed them in.

* * *

><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet <strong>

_Act I, Scene 4_

* * *

><p><strong>(Norway and Iceland enter the scene)-<strong>_Narrators_

Norway: Romeo heads to the masquerade party with Benvolio and his friend Mercutio, where they help him rebound from his Rosaline rejection.

Iceland: But they hit a bump in the road along the way.

Paris be creepin', Paris be creepin'

* * *

><p>The streets of the city are full of life this night. Crowds of maskers dressed in elaborately simple costumes are dancing through the streets, shouting and yelling out songs, participating in general merrymaking and the like. They carry heavy drums that they use to beat heavy bass that rocks the streets and fiery torches that burn through the darkness and illuminate the streets. Their songs echo off the buildings and fill the air with entertainment.<p>

Out of the large group, our focus zooms in on three individuals walking behind the large group of drunken and slightly horny maskers. One of the individuals grunts and folds his arms over his chest, glaring at the maskers ahead of him through an air of disapproval.

"What the hell is our excuse for being here? I'm not apologizing for being here." Romeo tugs at the sleeves of his tan military uniform.

Benvolio bounces around his brother, the energy of the party goers ahead exciting his spirit. He wears the same costume as his brother, except his uniform is a slick shade of blue with a black dress shirt underneath. "No reason, we're just here to dance~! No one knows us here anyway."

Romeo sighs while he adjusts the collar of his maroon dress shirt. "Give me a torch. I'd rather carry the light than dance like an idiot."

The third individual, a slender woman with short platinum blonde hair, blue eyes and sizable 'assets', seizes Romeo by the wrist and pulls him forward. "Romeo, you should dance and have fun!"

Romeo blushes at the contact. "D-damn it Mercutio, I'm angsting right now. You can't have fun while _angsting, _dumbass!"

"You are a lover Romeo, so spread those wings Cupid gave you and fly!" Mercutio giggles, causing her assets to jiggle, and catching the attention of almost every man in the immediate area.

"How many times do I have to tell you people, I don't love these hoes!" Romeo barks.

The hoes in the immediate area scoff and walk away, mumbling amongst themselves how they don't need love, and that Romeo ain't shit anyway.

Mercutio stops in her tracks, adjusting the straps on her overalls. "You're letting the darkness pull you in; open your heart Romeo and let love in! Don't let it consume you, the darkness. If love wants to be rough, be rough with it."

"Come on, we should go in now! Let's dance as soon as we get in there~!" Benvolio suggests, bouncing on the heels of his costume's military boots. He latches onto Romeo's arm and the other brunette fights to get him off.

"Look bastards, I'm not dancing' I've got a fucking torch. You happy bastards can go dance all the fuck you want with the rest of those losers." Romeo gestures to the group ahead of them.

He wrenches his arm free from Benvolio and turns in the opposite direction. "There's an old saying that applies to me here: 'You can't lose if you don't play the game'."

"But Romeo-!"

"Is it me?"

Romeo stops in his path and turns around. Mercutio stands with Benvolio in a fearful position. She's giving him that _look_, the one where her eyes get big and her lip starts to quiver and she starts to bite on her index finger and _fuck!_ She's getting to him again and she knows it.

"Am I the reason why you're so mad? Oh I'm so sorry Romeo, I didn't mean to pressure you so much! I just want you to be happy again, please forgive me!"

The waterworks begin and Romeo panics inside and out. "N-no, I didn't -Mercutio, d-don't cry dammit!"

Romeo doesn't know how or why, but a strange presence enters the area. The presence is dark and heavy, covering the area and crushing Romeo's resolve. His chest heaves as he breathes, and Benvolio's clinging to him again, shivering and quivering out of pure fear.

A tall figure appears behind Romeo, looming over him and his brother with fierce purple eyes. "…You have made Mercutio cry?"

Romeo presses further into his brother. "N-NO! I DIDN'T, I SWEAR!" He whimpers.

The figure moves over to Mercutio, wrapping his scarf around her shoulders. "Are you okay Mercutio? They did not harm you, did they?"

She sniffles weakly but nods at the figure. "I'm fine Paris, really."

Count Paris stares at Mercutio for a few minutes, taking in her condition. She's shaken up but not too upset so he doesn't see the need to take any immediate act of protection. He glances over at the two brothers huddled together in a quivering ball of fear behind him; these two pathetic beings are definitely no threat to his dear Mercutio. He steps closer to Mercutio and pulls her into a warm hug.

"Good." He breathes into her hair. "Now you all should head to the party then, da? No one wants to hear your dry dialogues." Paris glares at Romeo and Benvolio over his shoulder before releasing Mercutio and stalking away.

The atmosphere grows lighter and Romeo feels like he can truly breathe again.

Romeo shivers violently and pulls Benvolio closer to him; not out of older brother instinct dammit, stop thinking that! "Something bad is going to happen. This party is going to fucking kill me." He whispers to his younger brother. "Let's go bastards."

The other brunette nods before returning to his default cheery self, grabbing Romeo's hands, reaching out for Mercutio's and skipping in the direction of the party.

"Ve~, let's go!"

Paris watches them leave from the safety of his hiding spot where he stalked off to earlier. He fingers the fringe of his scarf and chuckles as the trio make their way to the Capulet estates. Those purple eyes are alight with some kind of dark amusement.

"Da, your foreshadowing is correct Romeo. And when all the king's horsemen and all the king's men fall into place, your life will become one with the heavens and little Juliet will sacrifice herself to me…"

He goes on to say more but he's interrupted by a shadowy figure kidnapping him from behind. He squeals and fights with all his might but he's overpowered and knocked unconscious down a dark alley.

Princess Escalus giggles all the way while dragging Paris' hulking form away.


	6. Act I, Scene 5

AN: Team Capulet or Team Montague?

Disclaimer-I do not own the Hetalia characters or the play in which I have placed them in.

* * *

><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet <strong>

_Act I, Scene 5_

* * *

><p><strong>(Norway and Iceland enter the scene)-<strong>_Narrators_

Iceland: The three main men make it to the party, where the rest of the characters are and they get into all kinds of trouble. A few Capulets spot a few Montagues in attendance.

Norway: Romeo and Juliet meet for the first time and fall in love on sight.

Paris be creepin', Paris be creepin'

* * *

><p>The kitchen in the Capulet estate is hustling and bustling with life. People are running around like crazy trying to get food together, putting plates on serving trays and refilling trays as they return to the kitchen.<p>

Peter scoots himself into the room and runs over to one of the servingmen standing at a stove, placing plates onto a serving tray. "Where is Potpan?"

"Who is Potpan? You mean a pot and a pan?"

Peter shrugs his little shoulders. "I don't know but save me some food because that jerk Capulet won't!"

Another serving man walks past the two, with a proverbial dark cloud floating above his head. "Too bad this is my only scene."

Peter spots the man and runs after him, with a plate of fish sticks and French fries. "OTHER GUY!"

* * *

><p>Lord Capulet enters his grand ballroom with a grand flourish. The lights are bright and shining, the decorations are still intact and his guests are having a good time. He steps onto the great balcony overlooking the ballroom, leading his wife to address his crowd.<p>

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen. Now let us try to have a good time, shall we? No funny business on my dance floor-"

"Nonsense! Have all the fun you want! We've got wine and food, pleasure to your heart's content! And if you happen to be overcome by the passion of _l'amour, ohonhonhon~."_

Capulet punches his wife in the chest. "Shut it you blasted frog!"

Romeo finds himself standing on the outskirts of the party, settling for the role of an angry wallflower. His eyes roam over the crowd taking in the sights of the idiots dancing and singing, including Benvolio who's dancing with some cute blonde girl with green eye-wait, is that _Rosaline?_

The main male turns his attention from the sight, on to the main table where the family of Capulet is sitting. He casually glances at each family member until his eyes catch the line of sight of one member with eyes the color of a summer sky.

"Who is that chick next to that guy?" Romeo questions a servant coming to collect empty plates and cups. The servant looks to where he's pointing and shrugs.

"The fuck you asking me for? I don't know."

Romeo flips the bird at the servant when he walks away. He turns back to the table to find the girl still staring at him, eyes brighter than before. "I wish she'd stop staring at me."

"That voice sounds familiar." Tybalt states, making his way through the crowd. No one really notices him so he's gliding through pretty easily. He looks back at Romeo on the wall. "The name card next to him says Montague."

"Who are you?" Capulet questions him, as he comes to sit down at the head table. "And why are you sitting at my fancy table?"

Tybalt sighs; really father? "I'm Tybalt, father. I'm your son."

"….Right." Now Capulet can't help but feel stupid. "So that means Romeo's here then?"

"Yeah, I just-"

"Then that means his blasted father is here too!" Capulet rises from his seat in a hurry, stomping over to his wife. "Sword, frog!"

"Dad, wait!"

Romeo's just minding his business standing by his lonesome on the wall. The band's playing a slow song now and everyone on the dance floor has coupled up to dance; even his stupid brother Benvolio is dancing awfully _close _to Rosaline, with his hands on her waist and her arms around his neck.

It's not like he _wants_ to slow dance with someone, that's a stupid idea. Although it would probably feel nice to have someone relax in his arms as the slow rhythm caresses-no dammit! Romeo's okay by himself and he doesn't need anyone, not that skank _Rosaline,_ not Mercutio or Benvolio, not anybody! Slow dancing is stupid and only stupid people dance slow to slow songs at parties, like his brother Benvolio, who's _still_ dancing slow with _Rosaline; _like Romeo cares. He can have her for all he cares; she didn't love Romeo in the first place.

Romeo's chest tightens and his irritation becomes more apparent; even more so when he gets that feeling that someone's watching him. He turns to his right (not to look at Rosaline because that skank was with _Benvolio _now. Tch, stupid girl) and comes into contact with those familiar blue eyes that are hovering less than a foot from his face.

"The _fuck_? Haven't you heard of _personal space_? Get the fuck away from me!"

The girl giggles and adjusts the glasses perched on her nose. "Dude, you were totally checking me out just now." She offers him a hand, "Haha, take my hand good pilgrim!"

Romeo glares at the hand in his face. "…What the hell are you talking about?"

The girl sniffs, feeling a little offended, so she pulls her hand back. "Can't you tell? I'm the hero of this play!" She fist pumps while grabbing Romeo's hand and dragging him to the middle of the dance floor.

"Why are you bothering me?" He questions, after they reach the floor. Looks like she's brought them right smack dab in the middle of the ballroom floor, where _everyone _can see them. GREAT. "Couldn't you see that I was _angsting_ over there?"

Benvolio pops up behind his brother, with Rosaline in tow by the hand. "Ve~, brother the script! That's Juliet! You've got to kiss her now!"

Romeo blushes and attempts to shoo away his brother. He fails. "Damn it Benvolio, go away!"

Juliet pouts at the siblings. "Dude, I'm a _guy! _My parents just want me to be a girl so they make me wear dresses and shit."

"Brother, the script!"

"Alright, alright _fine!_"

Romeo grasps Juliet by the shoulders to pull him down for a kiss. He crashes their lips together and pulls back before they can go any further. Juliet stands upright, surprised by the action apparent on her face, while Romeo colors the shade of a tomato.

(Back in the Montague estate, Lord Montague giggles with glee in his study.)

"T-there, happy?" The main males stutters.

"Ve~!"

Juliet pulls Romeo back for round two, without a word of warning. His hands glide down the brunette's frame before coming to a stop at his waist and resting on his lower back. Romeo melts into the kiss, pulling his own arms up to wrap around Juliet's neck. His hands delve into Juliet's hair, massaging his scalp and he gasps in surprise. Romeo smirks against Juliet's lips and pulls away before the blonde can mold his body into the brunette's.

"…Holy shit. That was _hot._"

The Nurse pushes his way through the crowd to grasp Juliet by the arm. "Madam, your mother wants to see you." He pushes Juliet towards the crowd and turns back to Romeo. "Her mother's Lady Capulet."

"…That's nice." Romeo states flatly. He motions behind himself for his brother; somehow the idiot will see the signal, he always does. "Benvolio, we're leaving!"

"Aww! But I'm having fun!" Benvolio whines, twirling Rosaline a few times. Romeo stomps to his brother and pulls the pair apart.

"Screw your fun, shit's about to get _real._"

* * *

><p>So the Capulet party ended sooner than expected, much to everyone's dismay. Lady Capulet attempted to keep the momentum going by having the DJ play an X-rated song, but that was cut short by Lord Capulet conquering the DJ booth and proclaiming, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO HOME, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"<p>

At the moment, Juliet stands on the balcony between the staircases at the entrance of the estate with his nurse, watching the guests leave.

"Yo Nurse!" He yells.

The Nurse jumps in shock but once he realizes that it was just Juliet and _not _Count Paris, he settles down. "Y-yes Juliet?"

"Who are all these people?"

Acquaintances of your father. That man there is the son-"

"BORING!" Juliet ignores the pout on his Nurse's face. "Say, where's that guy I kissed earlier? You know, the lame who wouldn't dance?"

"I CAN HEAR YOU, _BASTARDO_!"

"There he is, Miss Juliet."

"Sweet!" Juliet leans dangerously over the banister, scaring the daylights out of his Nurse, just to yell at Romeo. "Hey lame guy! What's your name?"

Benvolio bounces in front of his brother, waving frantically at Juliet. "Ve~, his name's Romeo Montague and I'm his brother Benvolio! We're your mortal enemies~!"

Romeo epically face-palms , then catches his brother in a full Nelson. "Damn it Benvolio,why would you tell her _that_?"

Juliet pouts again. "I'm a _GUY!_"

**(Exeunt.)**

* * *

><p><em>AN: And this brings us to the end of Act One. More crack in the next act. <em>

_I'm about to destroy the balcony scene._


	7. Prologue: Act II

AN: The feedback on this story is so inspiring and enjoyable. Oh you GAIZ~

Disclaimer-I do not own the Hetalia characters or the play in which I have placed them in.

* * *

><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet <strong>

_Prologue-Act II_

* * *

><p><strong>(Iceland and Norway enter the room) <strong>-_Narrators_

Norway: Romeo's old love for Rosaline has died out and now he pines for Juliet. Her beauty doesn't even compare to Juliet's.

Iceland: Now someone loves Romeo and he loves someone back. It's not really that hard to guess who he loves, though.

South Italy **(barges into room) **: What the hell? That doesn't even make sense! Didn't we just _meet?_ How are we in _love?_

America **(follows in after South Italy**) : Yeah, what he said! And why do I have to _die _in the end? That's not fair. **(pouts)**

Iceland: Why the hell are you two here? Can't you see we're doing something?

America: Pssh, not important dude. **( to South Italy) **Lovi I'm sad, make me feel better. Come and give me a kiss.

South Italy **(sputters)**:ASDFJKL?…y-y-you _idiot_! W-what the _FUCK_? S-stop calling me L-Lovi!

America: But Lovi, we're supposed to be in love~! So come and kiss me dude!

South Italy: N-NO! I DON'T WANT TO! LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T WANT TO KIS-**(interrupted by America kissing him)**

Norway **(covering Iceland's eyes): **Nothing you need to see, Iceland. Since we won't be able to finish our narration, here's a cast list for you readers.

* * *

><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet Cast<strong>

_**House of Montague **_

Romeo- South Italy

Benvolio- North Italy

Lord Montague- Spain

Lady Montague- Hungary

Abraham- Greece

_**House of Capulet**_

Juliet- America

Tybalt- Canada

Lord Capulet- England

Lady Capulet- France

Nurse- Lithuania

Peter-Sealand

Gregory- Germany

Sampson-Prussia

_**Ruling House of The Plot Convenient City**_

Prince Escalus- Belarus

Mercutio- Ukraine

Count Paris- Russia

_**Other Characters**_

Friar Laurence-Sweden

Friar John-Finland

Narrators-Norway and Iceland

Apothecary-Denmark

Rosaline-Belgium


	8. Act II, Scene 1

AN: Team Capulet or Team Montague?

Disclaimer-I do not own the Hetalia characters or the play in which I have placed them in.

* * *

><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet <strong>

_Act II, Scene 1_

* * *

><p><strong>(Norway and Iceland enter the scene)-<strong>_Narrators_

Norway: Benvolio and Mercutio search for Romeo after leaving the abruptly cut short Capulet party.

Iceland: Those two together is a dangerous combination.

The script always knows how to save the day.

* * *

><p>The night is young, the stars are bright and the stench of musky sweat and sweet <em>amour <em>fills the air. The moon sits high in the sky, illuminating the dark Earth below against an indigo backdrop.

Benvolio and Mercutio enter the scene in a hurried fashion, still clad in their costumes.

"Ve~, Romeo? Romeo! Where are you brother?" Benvolio calls out to the night. Their little trio had been separated after the Capulet party when they were forced to run for their lives after Lord Capulet released his hounds onto the crowd.

Mercutio fumbles with one of the straps on her overalls. "Maybe he was tired and went to bed?"

Benvolio shakes his head in the negative. "No Mercutio, brother wouldn't leave without telling me first!" He pulls out his cell phone and dials a number. "He's not answering his cell phone either! You try calling him!"

Mercutio does just that, and she receives the same result as Benvolio. "I-I don't know what to do Benvolio! It's not like I can conjure him. Wait-I'll ask Paris to-"

Benvolio makes a dive towards Mercutio, successfully stealing her cell phone. "NOOOOOOOO! Please don't ask Paris, he's s-scary!" He whimpers as fat tears roll down his cheeks.

Mercutio swipes at her own tears_. _"Oh no, that was so foolish of me! I'm sorry Benvolio!" She turns away and spots a solid brick wall a few feet to her left. Was that wall there before? "Could he have gone over that wall?"

Benvolio studies the wall she motions to for 2 and a half minutes. "I don't think so; brother hates any kind of physical activity."

"Oh." Mercutio goes back to fumbling with her overall strap again. "So what does the script say?"

Benvolio pulls the script out of one of the pockets on his military uniform. "It says we leave because we can't find him."

Mercutio picks up the pitchfork that she's been dragging behind her this whole time. She looks to Benvolio with a soft expression on her features. "Okay, let's just go. He probably wants to be alone."

"Ve~. Romeo"

**(Exeunt)**

* * *

><p><em>AN: Seriously, the BenvolioMercutio combination is a deadly tag-team of cute that will destroy your sense of guilt. They're too cute for words. _


	9. Act II, Scene 2

AN: So far, all of my favorite Romerica stories have been updated.

**AozoraNoShita** updated _The Angry Library Aide_, **Coffee-Flavored Fate **updated _Educating America_, but what has **DreamerAngel17** updated? NOTHING.

Dear sister of mine, I know you're reading this. Can you please update _Right Thru Me_? I NEED YOUR ROMERICA DRABBLES.

That's right, I'm gonna bother you until you heed my demands :P

Disclaimer-I do not own the Hetalia characters or the play in which I have placed them in.

* * *

><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet <strong>

_Act II, Scene 2_

* * *

><p><strong>(Norway and Iceland enter the scene)-<strong>_Narrators_

Iceland: Romeo and Juliet go through the famous balcony scene, almost all details included.

Norway: Although what they _did_ add is highly inappropriate.

Iceland: Don't listen to him, it's not as bad as-

Norway: Quiet Iceland. Someone your age shouldn't even be looking at things like that.

Iceland: What? I'm not even-

Norway: Not now Iceland, we need to start the story.

* * *

><p>The night is young, the stars are bright and the stench of musky sweat and sweet <em>amour <em>fills the air. The moon sits high in the sky, illuminating the dark Earth below against an indigo backdrop.

"This is some _bullshit_."

The rosebushes behind the Capulet estate seem to be muttering foul language. A few broken branches, crushed leaves and the bush produces Romeo in all his angry tsundere glory. He stands next to the prickly rose bush he was just hiding in, brushing icky thorns off of his person.

"Straight bullshit. Who releases _hounds _on party guests because they're not leaving fast enough?" He fights with a rose stuck in his hair, successfully winning the scuffle and throwing it back to its bush. "That bastard Capulet does, that's who."

Romeo takes a minute to survey his surroundings and to see where he ended up. He was separated from Benvolio and Mercutio (hopefully those two idiots are alright and still together. Lord knows neither one could handle being on their own for more than three minutes, especially his _moron _of a brother who had the _audacity _to dance with _Rosaline,_ of all people. Who _dances _with their _sibling's _unrequited love interest?)

Romeo notes that his current environment looks like a backyard, a backyard littered with rosebushes. He looks up, spots a balcony and turns to leave when he notices someone walk out onto the balcony.

"Juliet? Didn't I just see her a few minutes ago?" Romeo glances around his area once more before it clicks. "Fuck! I'm in her backyard."

"Stick to the script Romano." Iceland chides from the background. Romeo mumbles something incoherent under his breath.

"_Fine._" He sighs and pulls out his script, which he's never looked at until now. "What's that light over there? It is the east and Juliet is the sun..? What is this shit, it's nighttime!" He throws away his script and makes to leave again.

"Haha, hell yeah!" Juliet ejects while he fist-pumps.

Romeo yelps and jumps back into his rosebush (n-not because he was scared, he just didn't want to be spotted by a Capulet; he's a _Montague_, dammit!). He splits through two branches to silently watch Juliet on his balcony.

It looks exactly what it sounds like.

"What the hell is she doing up there? And why is she _shirtless?_" He tries to ignore the cause behind the blush on his face.

Juliet continues to talk on his cell phone standing on his balcony, with no knowledge of his Montague visitor below. "Yes I'm talking about Romeo, who else would it be? But I-huh? Romano? I don't know who that is Feliks, but it kinda sounds like 'Romeo'! Wha-right! Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?" He looks around the backyard and his face lights up at a certain rosebush.

"There you are!"

"Fuck! You're not supposed to see me yet!"

Juliet shrugs his shoulders. "Dude, who cares? We can totally be together. Only our dads hate each other."

At this exact moment, the heavens decide to be assholes. Whoever's controlling the moon chooses this point of the night to shine a few rays of moonlight over the balcony, illuminating the light sheen of sweat glossed over Juliet's sculpted torso. Romeo blushes behind a few roses. "_I-I _h-hate you though, you b-bastard…"

"Aww come on!" Juliet whines from his balcony. "I think you're a nice guy; you're just a lame, that's all! I could teach you to be like me~!"

"What?" The rosebush questions. "I don't want to be like you! You don't even know your own gender!"

"Low blow to the ego, Romeo." His face forms a pout Romeo can't ignore.

"W-whatever…."

Silence.

"You know you'll be shot on sight if you're spotted here."

"_CAZZO_!"

Juliet leans onto the rail of the balcony, favoring his right arm as a chin rest. "Yep, they won't hesitate to kill a Montague. They'll shoot you _dead._ We've got snipers perched in nice bird's nests, guards making rounds and don't forget the hounds-"

"Shut up dammit!"

Juliet's little 'tip' does nothing to quell the feelings churning inside Romeo's stomach. Well it's better than him sitting here blushing in a rosebush at a stupid shirtless blonde who says nice things that make Romeo feel all mushy-what the hell is he saying?

Back to the story.

"Anyways, how'd you get here?" Juliet decides to change the topic, unconsciously saving what's left of Romeo's dying dignity.

"Creepin' out my bedroom? Holy shit, are you _stalking_ me?"

And then he kills it with a sniper shot to the back of the head. Damn Call of Duty.

Romeo throws a fit in the rosebush at the blonde's words. How could someone be so _cluel-_wait.

1-Benvolio

2-His father, Lord Montague

3-Juliet

"Would you _shut up _and quit spouting _nonsense? _I'm not stalking you, I-"

"-found me out of love?"

"What..? No I-"

"-just want a one-night stand? What are you, one of those hit-it-and-quit-it types? I don't care what the song says, this ain't easy to get!" He stands upright to motion at his dick. "If you want this, you better work for this bro."

Romeo's a step away from just getting up and letting himself get caught, shot, tortured, whatever; luckily Juliet can't see the burning blush staining his face. "The FUCK are you on?"

"Shhhhh! Don't swear by the moon; it's bad luck!" The blonde makes an impressive attempt at quieting Romeo from his balcony by flailing his arms wildly and raising the volume in his voice.

Romeo shouldn't entertain the idiot but he can't help his words. "…Bad luck, _how_?"

Juliet shrugs nonchalantly, the earlier panic gone. "I don't know, that's what it says in the script."

A new being pops up out of the tulip patch in front of Romeo's rose bush. "No it doesn't! Ve~, the script says-"

"Benvolio, go away!" Romeo swats violently at his brother, who manages to avoid every hit. "You aren't even _in this scene!_"

"But brother, America is-" Benvolio tries the _**kicked puppy **_look.

It's _**rejected**_! "Shut up and go away! Go find Mercutio or something."

Benvolio picks a yellow tulip from his patch and slowly sulks away, surprisingly _not getting_ shot, mauled or captured.

"It's pointless to kill him." All the guards/guard dogs mutter. Romeo nods, agreeing with their consensus.

"So dude, why are you here anyways? You never told me." Juliet questions, leaning forward on his balcony again. Romeo snaps his attention back to his blonde in the moonlight.

"That's because you keep interrupting me, dumbass."

"Is that so huh?" Juliet stands in silence for a minute. The look on his face shows that he's contemplating something and Romeo fights down the blush rising on his face. Damn the moon and damn that blonde for doing weird things to his emotions.

"I got a question for ya, Romeo." The rosebush down below rustles, so he takes that as a cue to continue. "If a throw a couple thousand, would you strip for it?"

All concern for his life flies out the window as Romeo jumps out of his rosebush in a fit of rage. "WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS _THAT_? NO!"

"BUT IT'S MONEY! IT MIGHT BE ALL SINGLES, BUT IT'S STILL MONEY!"

"WHO ASKS QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?"

"I DO WHEN I WANT TO MAKE IT _RAIN_!"

"….Juliet?" Apparently the shouting match between the pre-destined 'lovers' is overheard by the Nurse inside the estate. Both Romeo and Juliet curse under their breath.

"I'm not here!" Romeo face palms.

"I'll be there in a minute."

"FUCK."

Romeo face palms again, standing in front of his rosebush. "Why would you answer? Why am I still here?"

"You wanted to ask me something but you're too shy about it. Normally I don't like shyness, but it works on you; it makes you so cute~!" Juliet answers with a gleaming smile.

Why the fuck is Romeo blushing so damn much in this _one _scene? "S-shut up! Damn it, s-stop t-talking."

"What? Why? I'm just expressing my emotions. That's what Juliet does in the real play."

Romeo hits him with the straight-face. "…I'm leaving."

"Dude, I'll call you at 9 tomorrow."

Romeo stops in his tracks to look back at that accursed balcony. "What for?"

Juliet shrugs. "…..I can't remember."

Romeo hits him with the straight-face. "…I'm leaving."

"Wait, Romeo!" Juliet calls out to the retreating form of the Montague leaving his backyard. He wants to say something but he can't think of a way to word it correctly. So he settles for silently watching his budding love interest walk away.

Romeo marches off, more angered than before he arrived. That whole meeting with Juliet totally ruined his somewhat questionable good mood from earlier. What the hell is this blonde doing to him? What does he think he's doing, moving in close to Romeo's defense mechanisms and whatnot? Does he know that no one's ever done that before, not even Rosaline, so what does he think he'll accomplish?

Romeo rubs at the accursed heat still making his face hot. Maybe he's wiping tears away; maybe it's both.

"That stupid bastard."

**(Exeunt.)**

* * *

><p>AN: <em>Aaahhh, where did this sad ending come from? Aww, poor Romeo, it's okay, Juliet has that affect on people. Rosaline is in the past now, so screw her! The guardsguard dogs probably felt sorry for Romeo, so that's why they didn't attack him on sight._

_Le sigh._


	10. Act II, Scene 3

AN: I borrowed Denmark from my sister. She won't mind. Oh yeah, and Friar Lawrence is now Denmark instead of Sweden because the play wanted it to be that way. This is fate.

My sister has also declared that we're married now. Th'ts m' w'fe.

The song Friar Lawrence-Denmark quotes is 'Up All Night' by Drake. It makes sense in my head, so stop judging me.

Disclaimer- I do not own Hetalia or the play in which I have placed them in.

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><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet<strong>

_Act II, Scene 3_

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><p><strong>(Norway and Iceland enter the scene)-<strong>_**Narrators**_

Norway: Romeo talks to Friar Lawrence about his feelings for Juliet.

Iceland: The friar helps him out, giving Romeo some shockingly helpful advice.** (stares at Norway questionably)**

Norway: Why are you looking at me like that?

Iceland: I was expecting you to relate the advice to me in some way.

Norway: I will, just not right now.

Iceland: -_-

* * *

><p>There is a fresh fog blanketing the skies of the plot convenient city. It's early morning, the streets are empty, the sun hasn't even come up yet to burn through the fog covering the sky. Thanks to the fog and the clouds above it, there is a grayish-tint to the day.<p>

A friar walks into the scene, carrying a weaved basket filled with natural herbs and weeds. His blue eyes scrutinize a book of papers he carries in his right hand. "Dude, who wrote this? I'm not understanding why the morning is smiling at people. It's not like-"

"It's called _metaphor_, you idiot." One of the narrators, Norway, states to the blue eyed man.

The friar lights up at his visitor. "Norge! 'Bout time you showed up. Look I got a suggestion for the script. We should-"

"No. Stick to the script."

"Come on Norge, I just-"

"Stick. To. The .Script."

"Buzz kill." The friar picks his script out of his basket. "What is this guy _talking_ about?" He flings his script off to the side and glances up, spotting a familiar face. "Hey Romeo!"

The gloomy brunette enters the scene in a paranoid states, eyes darting back and forth trying to spot the person who called his name. "Who the hell?"

The friar waves him over to the central part of the scene. "Good morning' to ya!"

"Oh, it's you Friar Lawrence." Romeo falls back into default tsundere mode while walking over to the friar. "Morning."

"Dude, it's nice you came to see me and all," the friar drapes an arm over Romeo's shoulder as the two begin to walk and talk, "-but why are you up so early? It's like, 7:00 am and you ain't got no job."

"Shut up. It's too early for this."

Friar Lawrence prods Romeo in the shoulder with his index finger. "Were you up all night?"

"Meh." The brunette mumbles.

"Was the whole crew in there?" He begins to poke Romeo in the shoulder repeatedly, jabbing his finger in the same spot. " 'Cause you don't really know who you gon' lose this year-"

"Would you shut up?" Romeo growls low in his throat, shrugging the friar's arm off his shoulder and moving three steps to his immediate left in order to put some space between him and that annoying blonde. "I _was _up all night though."

'_Speaking of annoying blondes, what is Juliet doing right now…? Damn it Romeo, now is not the time to let that idiot take over your thoughts. Back to the play! What would Benvolio say at a time like this?'_

"_**Rosaline, you're so pretty. Bella ragazza~. Your eyes are like-" **__NO._

D-Damn it.

"You got it in with Rosaline, didn't you?" The friar gives him a suspicious look.

"Wha-..? N-No! That skank's with _Benvolio _now." Romeo grinds out.

The friar's suspicious look morphs into one of disbelief. "Really? Benvolio? What type of brother goes with his brother's former love interest?"

Romeo throws his hands up in frustration, hazel eyes twinkling dangerously. "Exactly! You need to tell _him_ that! He'll listen to you."

"Okay I will." The friar stops to pick some herbs out of a patch of grass near the road, with Romeo tagging along behind him. With nothing to keep his attention, the brunette just kicks at pebbles and watches the friar with little interest.

"Seriously though, what were you doing last night?" The friar questions, in a more serious tone. Romeo bristles and directs his attention elsewhere.

"Nothing! I just went to a party, got chased out by hounds and all that shit." He kicks a medium-sized pebble down the road, where it plops silently into a stray puddle.

The friar looks back at Romeo over his shoulder, while simultaneously dropping some wild plants into his basket. "The only party last night was Capulet's." The gears in the blonde's head are slowly starting to turn and his blue eyes grow wide. "Dude, you went to _Capulet's_ party?"

Romeo kicks him in the back, out of pure fear that someone heard the idiot friar's exclamation. "S-Shut up! Not so _loud_!"

"My bad." The friar picks himself up after the fall and dusts off his clothes; he's used to Romeo's violent behavior. "Dude, seriously though, how did you end up there?"

Friar Lawrence picks up his basket and leads the pair of them back out onto the main road. "Benvolio and Mercutio took me in order to clear my mind of Rosaline."

"I'm following so far."

"That's it."

"That's it? What about Juliet?" At the brunette's confused expression, the friar continues. "The script says that you come to ask me to marry you and Juliet."

Romeo's face flushes a beet red color, darker than a tomato. His father, Lord Montague, would be proud right now if he saw him like this. Actually he'd be squealing and calling Romeo his _pequeña tomate_~!

Back to the play.

"W-What? _M-Marriage_?" The brunette sputters hopelessly. "I-I don't want to marry her! She's a fucking idiot." He crosses his arms and fights to keep the blush down over his face.

Lawrence chuckles lowly to himself, and gives Romeo a knowing look. "Something tells me that you think otherwise." He slings an arm over the young brunette's shoulders once more as they stroll through the morning streets. "I know your type; you're the type who uses anger to conceal his real feelings because you don't know how to express yourself properly. You're emotionally stunted, bro."

Romeo struggles to get loose but the friar pulls him closer. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"You're doing it again. I figured you out and you can't handle it." the friar ruffles his blonde hair with his free hand. "I'm only trying to help you, little man."

"You're doing a fucking bang-up job." The little man mutters.

"Seriously Romeo, I want to help you. I know that you're still hurt and confused over the Rosaline thing but you don't have to be such a dick to everyone."

"I'm not a dick."

"Yes you are."

In a huff of rage, the Montague pushes the holy man off of him and stomps off, only to stop in his tracks and turn back to Lawrence with a frustrated and confused look in his eyes. "So what do you suggest I do then? Marry Juliet?"

The friar's taken aback at first, but he adjusts to the situation and works to calm Romeo down. "Well, yeah. It might sound backwards, but yes. Marry Juliet and then get to know her; you never know, you might just like her."

"_Might_ like her? She's everything I'm not; she's like my polar opposite! And besides-" Romeo turns away from him, shoulders hunched and trembling. "We…We wouldn't work together."

"Romeo, I know it's hard but you've got to put Rosaline in the past. Sure it hurt when she left but she's been replaced by an even better girl, one who actually likes to be around you."

Lawrence steps forward and places a hand on the emotional brunette's shoulder. "You can't dwell on lost love my son, you got to let that shit go or you'll never be happy. Juliet's right in front of you, so sweep her off her feet with love or some other dude will."

Romeo's voice is low but Friar Lawrence can hear the feelings within."…Would you marry us then?" The friar squeezes his shoulder with a soft smile spreading on his lips.

"Hell yeah."

**(Exeunt.)**

* * *

><p><em>AN: I've got tears in my eyes; MANRY TEARS that my sister is making fun of right now. She is a horrible person. Romeo I just want to huggle you and strangle you at the same time; the strangling is because you need to let Rosaline go DAMN IT. <em>

_Juliet is right. fucking. there. Go and grab him, overpower him, ravish him, kiss him so deeply and passionately that the only breath escaping from his lips is your name behind a melodious chorus of 'YES ROMEO, YES. OH GOD ROMEO, YES.'_

_The hug is just because :3_

_I love you Denmark. -hearts-_

_Belgium, why are you the bad guy all of a sudden? Why don't I like you anymore? D:_

_I am so sorry Shakespeare. _


	11. Act II, Scene 4

AN: A little less funny in this chapter, but there is a judgmental groundskeeper.

Disclaimer- Neither of these are mine, dammit

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><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet<strong>

_Act II, Scene 4_

* * *

><p><strong>(Norway and Iceland enter the scene)-<strong>_**Narrators**_

Iceland: Benvolio and Mercutio bond over their worry for Romeo and his emotional state.

Norway: After that, Romeo discusses wedding plans with Juliet's Nurse.

Iceland: I think Romeo got a little jealous at the end there when the Nurse brought up-

Norway: Don't spoil the ending for the readers.

* * *

><p>The sun is shining high above the plot convenient city. The streets are hustling and bustling, filled with citizens with busy schedules who are trying to get their errands out of the way.<p>

We zoom in on Mercutio, who is rushing through the streets to the Montague estate. On her arrival, she spots the familiar sight of Benvolio, who is helping one of the groundskeepers tend to the front garden. He's planting yellow tulips when Mercutio runs up to him, a worried look on her face.

"Benvolio! Where's Romeo? Didn't he come home last night?"

Benvolio stands from his kneeling position, wiping his dirt-covered gloves on the mini apron draped over his legs. "Ve~, he didn't. I asked all the servants this morning and they haven't seen him either." He frowns at the trowel in his hands. "I'm worried Mercutio."

Mercutio crosses the small distance between her and her friend and envelopes him in a hug. She's careful not to smother his face in her breasts. "It's okay, maybe he was out trying to clear his head of Rosaline again."

They release the hug and Benvolio digs in his pocket for something. "We got mail this morning. Tybalt sent a letter for Romeo."

"Hmmm, seems like a plot device of some sort." Mercutio says, scanning over the letter. "A challenge to a duel? Why does Tybalt want to fight Romeo?"

Benvolio's face twists into a look of horror. "A duel? No!" He throws his trowel to the ground in anger, eyes glistening with fresh tears." Brother's not supposed to die until the _end_ of the play!"

"Benny don't worry!" She hugs him close to her again as he begins sobbing and whimpering. "Romeo would probably be too scared to accept it anyway!"

The groundskeeper finishes planting the roses on the outer edge of the garden. Lord Montague had stated that if Capulet had roses in his garden, then the Montagues would too. The groundskeeper had called him out on this, asking why he would want to copy his enemy (he really saw no reason for the roses in the front garden anyway, they'd just clog up the view of the lovely new porch). His lord had informed him then that they were not copying because, _"Capulet's roses are red and in his backyard, while ours are white and in our front yard! Makes perfect sense!" _It was then that the groundskeeper saw where Benvolio got his stupidity from and proceeded to smash his trowel in his face repeatedly until he lost consciousness.

Now he stands back, shaking his head at the sight of Mercutio and Benvolio's patheticness. He continues to shame them until he spots Romeo coming up in the background. Thank the heavens, he doesn't know how long he can stay in this scene.

Apparently Benvolio spots his brother as well because he runs full force at him, launching himself at his sibling. The momentum of the launch knocks them both to the ground, into a rolling stop.

The groundskeeper wishes Romeo Godspeed as he fades into the background.

Benvolio lies on top of his brother, kissing his cheeks and blubbering, not caring about how homoerotic the scene looked. "Romeo, I'm so glad you're okay! Mercutio and I were worried because you didn't come home last night and you're a virgin and don't you know where they get _virgin olive oil _from?"

Romeo's had a long morning so far. He's finally decided to give up on his former love interest Rosaline (big mistake in his opinion but everyone keeps telling him it's for the better) only to marry another girl he just met a day or two ago (a girl he doesn't feel worthy enough for). That's emotionally draining for a guy who can't express his emotions properly, which translates into physically exhausting as well. Benvolio and his run-on sentences are not really helping him right now.

"Would you get off me?" He pushes his brother off his person and stands up, brushing the dirt off his shoulders. Thanks Jay-Z. "You can tell if I'm alive from over there."

Mercutio moves to hug Romeo as well but she decides not to. "We were so worried about you Romeo because we couldn't find you after Capulet's party. You faked us out!"

"What do you mean I faked you out?"

"You left us behind and we couldn't find you." A look of realization dawns on her face and she pulls her hand off Romeo's shoulder, as if it was too hot to the touch. "You were out having sex weren't you?"

Because sex is the only explanation for whenever an angsting teenager disappears for the night.

"Why does everyone assume I'm out having _sex_?"

"Well look at you." Mercutio states. Romeo shoots his best friend a questionable look as the homoerotic subtext between the original Romeo and Mercutio seeps back into the play. Benvolio stares blankly at his friend and brother, wondering where all this homoerotism is coming from; last time he checked, their Mercutio is a woman.

"What's _that _supposed to mean?" Seriously though, what the fuck.

Mercutio blushes, refusing to make eye contact with Romeo. "I-I mean, I wouldn't be shocked if you were out putting your hot dog in all kinds of donut holes, as long as you were using protection because-"

"Can this conversation _not _happen?" Romeo clamps his hands over his ears because this conversation should _not_ be happening and why has his sex life been the main focus of so many people lately?

"Ve~, why'd you two stop?" Benvolio pulls a bundle of papers from his back pocket, skimming over the pages as he flips through the book. He stops in one section and with a small 'aha' , he reads the passage. "You're supposed to be going back and forth."

"No one's following the script anymore, Benvolio." Romeo says with a nonchalant wave of his hand. And he's right too, the author is barely following the script now, which could explain why there are so many cracks in the fourth wall.

Benvolio almost pouts at his brother (he's trying to kick the habit ever since his mother pointed out that real men don't pout) because there are some characters in this play who are sticking to the script, thank you very much. He scans the crowd in front of the entrance to their estate, only to spot the nurse of miss Juliet Capulet. "Look, a sail, a sail!"

The Nurse makes his way through the crowd and into the gates of the Montague estate, with Peter trailing behind him. "Ah! Good morning boys!"

Mercutio cocks an eyebrow at the collective noun of 'boys' because she is definitely _not_ a boy. She stands by, silently offended, "It's afternoon actually."

"Really?" the Nurse pulls out his cell phone, checks the time and stuffs it back into his pocket and sighs. "I really need to get this thing fixed. Romeo, I need to talk to you about something."

The brunette looks suspicious, but then again that's his default look when strangers walk up to him out of the blue and tell him that they need to talk. "Like what?"

"Is it a dinner party invite?" Benvolio asks innocently. It's what the script says, after all.

"Or an offer of male prostitution?"

The scene screeches to a stop because _what. _Who thinks of that when someone comes up to them and tells them that they need to talk? This is not that kind of story, Mercutio.

"What."

"Romeo, are you going to your house for lunch? That sounds wonderful right now. _Lunch._" Mercutio speaks again, trying to smooth over her last question as if she _didn't _just mention prostitution in a T-rated story. Romeo eyes her warily, all homoerotic feelings gone.

"…I'll meet you two there." He watches Mercutio drag Benvolio into the house.

"Goodness, who was that…well-endowed young woman?" The Nurse asks, grabbing Romeo's attention.

"Mercutio, my best friend." Romeo glances back at the house to make sure his best friend isn't silently watching them from a window. She is. "You wanted to talk to me, right?"

The Nurse perks up. "Right! Is there somewhere we can talk in private?"

Romeo walks out of the front yard of his home, motioning for the Nurse to follow. They enter the busy street side by side, with Peter trailing a few steps behind.

"You're Juliet's nurse, right?"

The Nurse nods slowly, a sweet smile breaking out on his face. "Indeed I am." His gaze lingers on Romeo a little longer than the brunette felt comfortable so he turned away. The Nurse chuckles lowly, such an interesting choice his Juliet has made. "And you are her dashing young lover, Romeo. You wish to propose to her, yes?"

Romeo's back foot catches on the heel of his front foot and he tumbles to the street, landing flat on his face. Just what he needed, a fall in the middle of a crowded street because he was asked a stupid question. He stays in this position for a few moments because what the hell nurse, you can't just ask people if they're your lady's lover (even if you're somewhat-not-sure-almost-probably right). This goes to show that Lady Luck is not on Romeo's side today. The bitch is probably sitting back with her sister Karma, drinking wine coolers and ragging on about how today's men are so full of themselves that they don't believe in luck so fuck the job.

Romeo hopes that the wine coolers are Lady Luck's least favorite flavor.

Somewhere in his weird musings, Romeo notices that the Nurse has stopped and is holding out a helping hand, so he takes it and dusts himself off again. What is with him and the ground today?

"No, I don't wish to _propose _to that idiot Juliet. Whoever told you that is a liar."

The Nurse lets out an exasperated sigh because he's been down this road somewhat with his sweet Juliet (although it was more like making Juliet realize that his feelings towards Romeo weren't 'best friend' feelings). Anybody with two eyes and a brain can see that Romeo and Juliet have feelings for each other-and it's not because they're supposed to.

Nobody follows the script anymore.

Romeo might not admit it now, but he wants Juliet, in ever sense that phrase could mean. And how could you blame him, have you read the description of Juliet's body? _Jesus_.

"The script." Nurse says, as if it's the most obvious answer. "It's okay if you like her, I approve of you."

They continue on their walk, entering a little marketplace where venders are shouting out how good their merchandise is. Romeo looks to the Nurse, weirdly settled by the fact that he approves of him marrying Juliet. "You think it's a good idea for us to get married?"

Nurse sidesteps two little boys who are pretend sword-fighting in front of a fruit stall. "Not really, but you two seem to have hit it off. Juliet's a friendly girl but she doesn't usually attach herself to people the way she's taken to you." The Nurse leads them through a large group of young women arguing in the middle of the street. Romeo catches his, Benvolio and Mercutio's names a couple of times, along with the word 'OTP' and he decides he doesn't want to know anymore.

"Aright then, I need your help." Romeo says.

"Yes, what is it?" That sweet smile is back on the Nurse's face and it makes Romeo a little uncomfortable.

"I need you to tell Juliet to meet me in the abbey later on today."

A confused expression washes over the Nurse's face. "What for?"

"So we can get married."

"Right! She'll be there with bells on, Romeo."

The Montague rolls his eyes and pulls the Nurse closer, so close that it looks like he's whispering sweet nothings into the man's ear. Welcome back homoeroticism. "Make sure that no one knows where she's going. Lie to them or some shit."

The Nurse pulls back, nodding and smiling like an idiot. "Okay. Oh Juliet's going to be so happy when I tell her!" He quickly engulfs Romeo in a tight hug. "You're all she talks about you know. She's been talking about you since the party."

Even though the script says that they're in love, Romeo is still not used to the idea of 'reciprocated affection'.

Nurse looks back to see if Peter is following them; he isn't. "It's a good thing you've decided to take her hand, there's been another gentleman after her heart." Now where could Peter have gone?

Romeo feels his fists clench and his eye twitch. "What's the bastard's name?" He growls out because no slick talking bastard is going to move in on what's _his_, dammit.

Wait, what?

"Count Paris, the princess' brother," the Nurse says, not even noticing the hostile undertone in Romeo's voice. "Lady Capulet thinks he's the perfect man for Juliet but I don't. he's tall and scary and he's always giving Juliet these strange looks and he wears scarves in the summertime! He's so _creepy _Romeo."

Romeo's fists clench so tight his knuckles turn white. His gaze darkens and he stomps his foot like a child having a tantrum. Jealous, maybe? "Look, _fuck_ Paris. Tell Juliet to meet _me_ at the abbey, got it?" Romeo's voice has that dominating tone to it that leaves no room for discussion. If Juliet were here, he'd jump the Montague's bones right then and there.

Because, _Jesus_ that voice is verbal sex.

And as Romeo watches the Nurse run back to the group of young women to fetch Peter, he wonders if he can really go through with this marriage thing. Well, whatever the case may be, he's gone an hour without thinking of Rosaline.

Damn it.

**(Exeunt.)**

* * *

><p><em>AN: Damn it Romeo.<em>


	12. Act II, Scene 5

AN: Can I ship Juliet/Nurse?

Disclaimer- Neither of these are mine, dammit

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><p><strong>Romerica and Juliet<strong>

_Act II, Scene 5_

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><p><strong>(Norway and Iceland enter the scene)-<strong>_**Narrators**_

Norway: We learn that Juliet was the one who sent the Nurse to find Romeo.

Iceland: She sent him to find out news of their wedding.

Norway: Although it's kind of fuzzy where Romeo and Juliet discuss getting married.

Iceland: Don't question it, just go along with the flow of things.

* * *

><p>Juliet paces back and forth in the middle of his room. If he were any heavier, his pacing would leave a deep indentation in the floor.<p>

"Dude, where the hell is my Nurse? I sent the guy at nine this morning and it's past noon. How hard can it be to find one angry Italian?" It's weird how Juliet knows Romeo's ethnicity since it was never explicitly stated but who cares? The play is taking artistic liberties at this point.

"Go wait downstairs Peter."

Juliet perks up and runs to his bedroom door, skirts trailing behind him. His heart rate's accelerating because his nurse is back and hopefully he brought some awesome news. He wrenches the door open and in walks his Nurse, fanning himself.

"Did you find him?" The Nurse pushes past him into the room still fanning himself. Juliet looks at him curiously, "What's with that face?"

"L-let me sit Juliet. I'm tired and I need to catch my breath."

Juliet steps back and lets his Nurse do as he says. In Juliet's mind, there's no reason for him to be tired because they're the same age. "Catch your breath? You're as young as me! Besides, you're not even breathing hard."

It's true the Nurse's chest is rising and falling at the same rate as Juliet's, who _isn't_ out of breath.

Nurse stands up straight and gives Juliet a stern look. "I'm just following the script."

"Screw the script!" Nurse is startled by Juliet's outburst. "Did you find Romeo or not?"

"Y-yes I did and he wanted me to relay a message for you." He says, heading out of the room. The young Capulet is right on his heels though, hanging on his words. "Okay, so what is it?"

"Have you eaten lunch yet? I know you must be starving, waiting all morning ." He gestures wildly around him with his arms, almost hitting Juliet twice.

"I already ate," he ducks under an accidental clothesline, "but what did Romeo say?"

"Where is your mother?' Nurse asks suddenly, avoiding the Capulet's question.

Juliet jabs a thumb over his shoulder, "He's with Dad in the parlor." He reaches for the Nurse, halting him in his tracks and turning him so they're face to face. "Come on bro, tell me what he said."

The Nurse avoids Juliet's eye contact, focusing his gaze on the wall behind Juliet's head. "Why don't I go and-"

"Dude, cut it out!" His grip on the Nurse's shoulders tightens and he shakes him a little. This little avoidance act is working on Juliet's last nerve. He doesn't want to be mean but he also doesn't want to be kept in the dark about Romeo. "Can you just tell me what Romeo said? Please?"

The Nurse wilts at the pleading look in Juliet's eyes. "Okay, okay. Romeo told me to tell you to meet him at the abbey later on today." He lowers his voice, just in case anyone is trying to eavesdrop. "Meet him at Friar Laurence's cell so you two can get married."

Juliet just silently stares at his Nurse. Wait, married? "Married?" he repeats. "That's what I'm meeting him for?"

Now it's the Nurse's turn to stare. "You mean, you didn't know? Tell me that you've read the original Romeo and Juliet."

Juliet nods and releases his hold on the Nurse. "Yeah I knew but, aren't we moving a bit too fast? I mean, we just met like, two days ago."

"What are you saying?" Nurse asks, brushing himself off, "Don't you like Romeo anymore?"

"No!" Juliet sighs and takes a seat on the stairwell. " I mean, I like Romeo. I really like him. He's a sweet guy, just a little misunderstood is all. It's like-I don't know how to describe it."

The Nurse sits down next to him, popping him on his head for sitting with his legs open. "You're just confused about what you want. You know that you like Romeo, right?"

"Yeah." He answers. He likes Romeo enough, that much he knows. But enough to marry? He can't say he's against the idea.

"And you like him more than that creepy Count Paris?" Nurse slides an arm around Juliet's shoulders.

The blonde gives him a straight look. "Oh hell yes."

"Well there you go!" Nurse says, with a smile.

"I'm not sure I get what you're talking about." Juliet says, confusion written on his face.

"Listen, go and marry Romeo and I promise you that your feelings will clear themselves up. Get to know him a little; if you like him you can stay married to him and if you don't, leave him. In the end, it's all up to what _your_ heart wants."

"That was deep bro." Juliet says, meeting his Nurse's gaze. "I guess I never thought of it that way. Okay, I'll do it!" He hops up off his stair with a fist pump.

"Wonderful!" The Nurse follows Juliet up off the stair, sans the fist pump. "Now hurry up and change, he's waiting on you!"

"Okay I'm going!" Juliet moves past his Nurse to go upstairs, although he stops midway and glances back at him. "Nurse?"

"Yes?"

"Wish me luck?"

The Nurse smiles at him, "I wish you all the luck in the world. Now go."

**(Exeunt.)**


End file.
